I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
