He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
