I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
