I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
