Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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