i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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