put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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