She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
