You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
