With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
