Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
