Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
