I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I love having hate sex.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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