Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
