sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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