I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize