I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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