Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
