I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
