the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
