how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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