I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
