Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
