she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
