God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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