Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
