No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
