I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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