I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
