O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
