OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize