I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
