guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize