Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
