I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
This is the high leading the old right now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize