I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
