my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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