she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How does one acquire holy water?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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