Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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