too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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