I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
