Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
