i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
