if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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