With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
