They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I AM VODKA MAN
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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