He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
