When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
