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i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize