Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
