Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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