i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
