hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
