i just made my gag reflex go away.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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