there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
