Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
