ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
