He asked to "fluff my boner.."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
