you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
