Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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