Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
