Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
