bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
