Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I need to align my fucking chakras
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