just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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