i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
