9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
