I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Panties = found
Randomize
