blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
