There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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