I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
