We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
