Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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