Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
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